Purpose

Decades are funny things. While absolutely nothing changes outside of a couple of numbers, we are bound to stare into an existential abyss or to take stock of our lives in some way. 2020 is upon us now and it feels heavy with meaning in so many ways.

How life has changed in some absolutely remarkable ways this last few years. From deaths to marriages to moves to career leaps. At the same time, it’s also nothing remarkable. The passage of time forces change on us in many ways. The world around us changes, and as creatures of nature, we are bound to adapt to stay alive. So in some ways, all of our progress is the march of time, no matter how many CEOs tell you otherwise.

As I get older, some of the things that have meant the most to me over my life have amplified, while others have fallen away. After a challenging year (both good and difficult), I’ve started to think about the meaningfulness of my actions. Last year has tested my patience, has made me ineffably happy, and has angered me to the point of physical reaction. And it has also taught me of the absolute fragility of time and how, now more than ever, it’s important to be purposeful in thought and action.

There are lots of people who are much wiser than I am in this world, so I will not profess to know anything more or less than my own experience. However, I can’t deny that middle age is not so far away now. So this year, the idea of purpose is top of mind for me.

I’ve decided this year to make that my choice as well. Here are a few ways that I’m going to show up with purpose:

Switch off - I love staying in touch, but I find now more than ever, that the phone is an absolute distraction. There is truly nothing going on that needs my attention that badly. So this year, I’m choosing to spend more time switching it off, or putting it away while I do more things I want to do.

Buy less - After Thanksgiving, I was completely turned off by the feeding frenzy that is holiday shopping. I’ve never liked having a lot of things and the fact that we buy and never have enough is starting to impact the damage we’re doing to our world. So this year, I’m choosing only to buy necessities. I have enough things and I don’t want to pass on the message that stuff equals purpose.

Get out - For the short length of my relationship, my partner and I have always gone on a New Years Day walk together. I always come back with more clarity. I think it’s the combination of being outside and being with him that gives me that. So this year, I’m getting outside more (allergies be damned).

Show up - Between work, wedding planning, family things and the business of living, I’ve become terrible at seeing and spending time with the people i love. So this year, I’m committed to revitalizing those relationships. I look forward to moving together through the next decade with them.

Engage - I’m definitely going to spend more time writing and reading than I did in the last few years. It’s so vital both to my craft and my sanity. I’ve recognized that there are serious gaps in spirit when I don’t get to do those things, and the whole thing makes me less interested in everything else.

Connect - Part of living with purpose for me, is going to be how connected I can be with my inner thoughts and emotions. Feelings have never been easy for me, but I’m learning that when we approach our inner states with a sense of curiosity, rather than judgment, we get a whole lot more information. And learning to trust that gut is critical. It is after all, the first sign that we need to mind the gap.

This is a long list. And I know I’m going to stumble over it this year. I’ll likely lose my temper or spend too much time on Instagram or not enough time reading. And I’ll have to learn to forgive myself and hop back on when that happens. It’s not going to be perfect. But it’ll be a lot closer to living a life that has meaning for me.

At the end of the day, we are deeply responsible for ourselves and our actions in this world. I’d like to spend that short time building meaning. How are you planning to show up in the new decade?

A few things to think about:

Life on the Edge by Akiko Busch

My Year of No Shopping by Anne Patchett

Art, Work and Life with Lisa Congdon on The Good Life Project

Hummingbird

Vancouver winters are characterized by long bouts of rain, starting in October. Like any of the cities along the Pacific Northwest, we start to see life shrink into the muddy depths of soil, going into hibernation until the spring (which is coincidentally also characterized by long bouts of rain). It’s not uncommon to see angles of geese flying south, honking like so many cars stuck in traffic. The birds and bees quite literally go elsewhere. Bear sightings increase and then slowly decrease. Coyotes lope back into the urban swathes of wilderness.

Our home is in a sparsely populated urban area in a suburb that is desperately trying to become more urban. We have hardware stores and lots of parks nearby. I like it most because of the flowers that line our walkway in the summer and the cascading skyline of mountains behind tall fir trees. And the Starbucks that is also conveniently a block away.

It’s fairly normal for bugs to fly into our home. The ideal mix of nature and uncharted territory that is the tall apartment building makes it so bees are fairly (and frighteningly) at home here during the summer. They sometimes die a valiant death trying to get out of the apartment. This is generally not a problem in the winter, and no other creatures have ever made their way in.

This winter day, my husband and I were getting ready to go out to one of the many holiday festivities that seem to start earlier and earlier each year. As I was waiting for him to finish getting ready, I heard a very loud buzzing sound. I turned around to where the windows are, and spotted a hummingbird. A hummingbird! Twelve stories above ground level. In late, rainy (frankly depressing) fall, a fully grown hummingbird had made its way into the home.

Thereby, started an adventure of trying to get it out of the house. We opened all (two) of the living room windows. We switched off the light, figuring the artificial glow was going to attract it. It fluttered overhead as it flew the full length of the living space. I screamed - you would too.

The bird kept hitting the glass windows. It had spotted the horizon and couldn’t get out, regardless of our best efforts to usher it outward. We tried to shoo it to no avail. Finally, exhausted, it settled on the strings that we pull to raise the blinds. It seemed all of us were exhausted by this entire ordeal that had already gone on for the last 15 minutes.

A short while later, it finally - and with no lack of effort - made its way out. We quickly shut the doors and windows before it had any other bright ideas.

As a writer, I’m prone to seeing the symbolism in the unusual. And so I think, it’s the perfect little lesson in unusual things that feed into the mundane. So here goes.

We all, at times, find ourselves in unusual situations, in unfamiliar territory. We are going along in life, when suddenly, we end up somewhere different from where we thought we would be, at a time we didn’t expect to be there. Despite all the best efforts of those around us to open windows and usher us out loudly, we keep hitting our heads against the same obstacles. We can see exactly where we need to be, but can’t seem to find the opening to get there (even though it’s utterly obvious to others).

And when we get tired, it’s okay to stop for a moment and re-evaluate. I’d like to think that Hummingbird needed a second after frantically expending all that energy in one go. Soon enough, those openings become more clear to us as we slowly gather our wits about us again. And then we’re off to where we might need to be next.

I hate to belabour a point, which may have simply been a freak moment of nature. But I can’t help but think some things come to us exactly when we need them, as unwelcome or unwanted as they might be at the time.

So this is a good last thought for 2019. We’re rounding off the decade (if that means anything to you). For those seeking clarity or those facing the unfamiliar (I think we all are), there is always a way. It’s not always totally clear. It helps to listen to those whispering or yelling that way out for you.

For this next year, I hope that clarity becomes more apparent. And that you rest when you need to, before you journey forward.